The Nest: Agree or Disagree

The Gym
I've been totally lame about posting it, but (other than the occasional day off) I've still been going to the gym every morning with my mom. I'm proud of her- she used to hate working out and sweating and now I think she actually likes it doesn't mind it!

Anyway, since we've been going on such a regular basis, we see the same people there pretty much every day. Last week, the group fitness instructor that we see 3 times a week told me I look skinnier... she knows I'm pregnant. A day later, one of my neighbors told me my face looks thinner... after I told her I'm with child. Well today after our spin class, 2 (TWO!) different ladies told me that I've lost weight. They don't know I'm pregnant, and I just kept my mouth shut and said thank you. One lady wouldn't let it go! She said- and I quote- "I don't know how much you've lost but you're definitely smaller. Keep it up!"... won't she be disappointed in a month or so when all of a sudden I have a belly.

I think it's kind of funny- I've always had a little belly. You know, that pooch right under your belly button? It's always be there, even when I've been at my smallest. I can run marathons, do crunches everyday, doesn't matter, it's always there. I've always felt like I look like I'm pregnant. And now that I actually am, people are telling me I've lost weight! It's just silly.

My actual weight hasn't budged at all. That scale is stuck right where it is. BUT my boobs have gotten bigger and my lower stomach is bigger (like, jeans are NOT comfy right now), so I guess I probably have lost weight in other places. I suppose it makes sense... still makes me shake my head though.

The Nest
Now that The Knot knows that I've graduated my status from engaged to married, I've been getting emails from The Nest. While The Knot was totally helpful with wedding planning, I haven't read one of these emails from The Nest that I actually find useful, or even enjoy reading. The latest one actually pissed me off, so I will share. Keep in mind, these are just my opinions of what I read, and I might be totally off or thinking too hard. But these were my initial sarcastic and slightly profane thoughts as I was (angrily) reading it.
The email says:

7 Signs You're Ready for a Baby

Are you ready to be a mommy? Here are some unexpected signs that it's time

1- You're not totally bored at a friend's baby shower.

Admit it: Baby showers can be mind-numbing. Sure, the baby clothes are cute and your preggo friend looks absolutely adorable, but who isn't secretly watching the clock? I'll tell you who: Women who are ready to sport a big ol’ belly themselves. If you find yourself taking mental notes about which gifts you do and don't want for your own baby and dreaming about perfect baby shower locales, you’re in mommy mode.

I say: Oh man, baby showers are the worst kind of party there is. I'm actually dreading my own. I'm not the most girly person there is so that might be part of my problem, but I try to leave a baby shower as fast as I can- especially if it means I can avoid the gift opening. But that doesn't mean that I'm not ready for a baby. It means that I DISLIKE showers and fake small talk with fake people, while sitting around and fake applauding for little overpriced Ugg boots that the baby will outgrow in a month. (Okay, they're pretty cute though) Actually, the only time I smile for real at a baby shower is if someone gets Butt Paste. Because that is funny.

Oh, and I came across this gem in my google search for pictures:

This could be the only time I've never wanted cake. Is that baby supposed to be dead??

2- You can tell a Bugaboo from a Mclaren – and you have a preference.

Are you a sporty and active City Mini kind of mom, or do you prefer the smarts and sophistication of a Bugaboo? Maybe you like the preppy Maclaren. If you have the faintest idea of what I'm talking about, you're definitely ready to have a baby.

I say: Actually, I don't have ANY clue what you're talking about. So, you're saying that because I don't know stroller brands, I'm not ready to produce offspring?? Even though we are financially, mentally, and physically prepared? Even though this addition to our family will be the most loved and cared for little baby, surrounded by the love of responsible parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles and friends who are all so excited to be a part of this child's life? Even though this baby was created out of two people's love for each other and is wanted more than any other gift in the world? No, you're right, I better google WTF a Bugaboo is before I decide to actually go through with this.

3- You stop noticing cute dogs.

If you're a dog or cat person and suddenly want a baby, you'll probably start seeing your pet – and pets on the street -- differently. You'll always treat your dog as your fur baby, of course, but your biological clock will tell you something else: I want the real deal. Paws can't take the place of 10 little pink toes.

I say: I'm sorry, but I'm a dog person. I've always had dogs in my life, and I love them. I've also always known that I wanted to be a mom. But that doesn't make me look at dogs any differently. That doesn't even make sense to me. I'm looking forward to how Kevin will act with our baby, and how Buzz will round out our family. It certainly doesn't make me think dogs aren't as cute. IN FACT, when we go out and there are screaming babies around, it kind of makes me appreciate how mellow Kevin is and how nice and quiet our house is for now. Again- this doesn't mean I'm not ready or I don't want to be a mom, it just means that I can still appreciate cute dogs because DOGS ARE AWESOME.

4- You’ve perused the aisles of A Pea in the Pod just for fun.

You weren’t there to buy a gift for your pregnant friend; you were actually quite impressed with how stylish maternity wear has gotten these days. You’d actually wear that wrap dress! I’m sorry to be the one to inform you: They make wrap dresses in non-pregnant sizes too. You were in there for a reason, and it wasn’t to bone up on fashion trends. You want a pea in your pod.

I say: I don't know what A Pea in the Pod is either, but through context clues, I have inferred that it's a maternity clothing store. Here's a little story about that... a couple of weeks ago when we were in Vegas, we were at an outlet mall where they had a maternity store, so I popped in just to take a gander. At the time, I was almost 9 weeks along, and looking less like I was pregnant and more like I had a big breakfast. Needless to say, I already felt silly being in there because nothing would fit me yet. Then I started looking more closely at the clothes. There are folds upon folds and layers and layers of fabric that don't even make sense (yet, anyway). The sizes were completely different. It was like being in a foreign country. It was totally intimidating and I got out of there in less than 2 minutes. The point is, I felt very out of place being in that store so early, and I WAS pregnant. It would be totally weird to just be in there shopping around before you're pregnant... like, wearing a wedding dress when you don't even have a boyfriend. But who would do that?

5- You’re less interested in Christian Louboutins, and more interested in the name Christian.

There was a time when names like Marc Jacobs and Donna Karan elicited thoughts of sexy stilettos and designer dresses. Now they bring to mind, well, cool baby name ideas. So do celebrity names (“Reese would be great for a boy or a girl!”) or even TV characters’ monikers (“The name Suki is growing on me…”). It’s probably time you had a real baby to name.

I say: This is the only one that I even remotely agree with. Except I've never been into Louboutins (just found out they even existed like, 2 months ago- told you, not very girly.) So I'll put it into terms I understand... You're less into Tom Brady and more interested in the name Brady. Agreed. I am totally taking more notice of names. It's kind of a big deal. I still can't totally agree with this "clue" though- I don't think your interests should wane just because you want a baby and I don't like how that is implied. Maybe I'm reading it too literally, but I'm still going to watch football (especially since I can't play it)... Likewise, if it was my thing, I don't think I would be less interested in shoes or designer clothes.   

I kid, Brian, I kid

6- You figure out when you’re ovulating and feel a thrill when you and your husband have sex on those days -- even with protection.

Think of it as a practice run. If you know it could actually happen if you weren't on the pill, and you're excited about it (maybe even turned on by it), then stop popping those birth control pills and go for it! (Um…tell him first, though.)

I say: Um, no shit... and you can't just "TELL" him, it's a pretty serious conversation that you should probably have with him. This brings me back to the whole maternity shopping thing before you're actually preggo- it just sounds like something someone who is bat shit crazy would do. It just seems weird to get excited when you're still on birth control or using other forms of protection. And it also seems like you would just be setting yourself up for some serious disappointment. Not to mention, over the years, I've had more than a few teenagers talk to me about wanting to get pregnant or that they have had unprotected sex and now they think they might be pregnant... does that mean they're ready? I highly doubt a 15 year old that has a druggie on-again-off-again boyfriend and no job is ready to raise a child. Getting excited about ovulating doesn't mean it's baby making time- even if you're happily married. Having a baby is a serious life changing event that needs a little more thought put into it than just feeling a little thrill at having sex... reach a little deeper. (And if sex isn't already thrilling enough on it's own, you're probably doing it wrong.)

7- You crave the pregnancy glow.

Your pregnant friends have shiny hair, glowing skin -- and they even say that their fingernails are stronger. Sometimes you stand in front the mirror and wonder what pregnancy will look like on you. It may be time to find out!

 I say: Sure, because shiny hair and glowing skin totally outweigh feeling bloated and sick and exhausted on a constant basis. Who cares about gaining anywhere from 15-35 (or more, if you aren't careful!) pounds when your fingernails are strong! Are you kidding me?? While I will say that my hair is actually (finally) getting longer, it isn't any more shiny and my skin looks the same as it always has. In fact, I know pregnant women who have major breakouts on their faces because of what all the hormones have put them through. I also have a friend who says her belly got fuzzy with each of her pregnancies. I have another friend who had to take breaks throughout the day to put her feet up because they would start to swell so bad. I had a killer headache yesterday that knocked me on my ass for the better part of the day. They're are also plenty of beautiful things happening while you're pregnant, but if your reason for becoming pregnant is to get more glowing skin, rethink your priorities, and go to Target and get some Neutrogena products.

So again, all of that was just my extremely biased opinion. I could be the crazy one. All I know for sure is that when I read this email, I was really offended by it and I didn't and still don't agree with it. There is a good chance that I am just super defensive and I'm prepared to accept that. But it just didn't sit right with me. What do you think?